*DEVELOP THE CULTURE OF EXCELLENCE*

                                      

Excellence is a journey, not a destination. We improve by the day. That's why you see new features on technology daily.

 

The new version is always an improvement on the old. The manufacturer will always add a new touch to every new version.

 

One of the best ways to develop competence is to encourage excellence. This is different from nagging and criticism.

Just encourage them to unleash their creativity. A little improvement on the last product goes a long way.

 

Don't say that's not how they do it; it has always been like this. This is the way it must be. If you insist, you will kill their ingenuity.

 

They should not just do it because everyone is doing it. They should do it well and up to standard. Remember, it's a journey, not a destination.

 

*Excellence can be a culture if we encourage it.*

 

*FACTS ABOUT PARENTING*

 

Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that to raise a wholesome child, we must understand some basic facts and principles.

 

Understanding these facts makes parenting easier. One of the things we must understand is that *parenting is a journey.* It moves from one stage to another. It is a movement from one point to another; it is not static.

 

A lot of people started this journey not knowing where they were going; hence, they were not prepared for the ups and downs that came with it.

 

It starts even before conception, even before they are born, and when they are born, we must start early. We can’t just wake up one morning and start living in a three-story building without laying any foundation; that must be an imaginary building. A castle in the air. 

 

We laid the foundation of trust and friendship in babyhood. This is where a lot of parents have missed it. 

 

You have to be a part of their lives. Physically and otherwise to guide them, just like a tourist guide, who is always there to show the tourists their way around and answer their questions.

 

*Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint*. You can't be there today and decide not to go again tomorrow. A lot of parents are physically present but emotionally absent. So they keep wondering why, at a point in time, they are no longer in sync with their children. The fact is, they have broken fellowship with their children at one point or another.

 

It's not about material things; they are important, but you being a part of their life as a guide is much more important.

 

*Are you part of your children's journey? How involved are you?*

 

 *COMMUNICATION IS KEY*: 

 

Another fact about parenting we must understand is that communication is key. We must be deliberate about it.

 

Communication must be ongoing. It has to be a constant. The door of communication must not be shut, no matter what. Truth be told, a lot of the time we don’t communicate; we just throw words around.

 

Communication is the lifewire of any relationship. It is the blood on which relationships thrive. There is no relationship without communication.

 

It is through communication that you build bonds. Don’t assume your children know. Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. Sit down and listen. Listen to their verbal and non-verbal cues. Create a healthy environment for communication.

 

If your children have to make the sign of the cross before talking to you, you are already in trouble. If they have to look for a third party to help reach you before you can listen, you have courted trouble already. You know why?

They will no longer be emotionally accountable to you. That means there is already a gulf between you and them. As soon as they leave home, they only throw words back at you. Be wise.

 

 *“If Christians don’t watch porn, how will they learn how to have sex?*”

Although I consider this question a dumb one, I’ll share my considerations. Sex is primarily an instinctive indulgence, and I’m sure goats don’t watch porn to know what to do during sex; chimpanzees and dogs don’t either. It’s like a baby’s first walking steps; it is instinctive—a response to nature’s design. 

Humans are born with a sexual primal instinct that calls us to act in a certain way during sexual intercourse. I have heard foxes moan while mating, and it’ll be dimwitted to suggest that it’s a learned behavior. It is nature, just like it is natural to cry when beaten. The summary of my point is that if two virgins get married, they will, to a great extent, know what to do. They’ll know what’s pleasing, what’s painful, what feels good, what should be repeated.

Who taught humans what sex styles are? NOBODY! It’s the instinctive obsession to pleasure that invents even more pleasurable sexual methods. Sex styles must have been as old as mankind, but its labeling and popularity was aided by porn. Porn didn’t invent sex styles; nature did. It is important that intending couples know basic things about their sexual organs, but this should never be taught using pornography. Pornography is a skewed and corrupt imagery of sex. It is everything sex and intimacy is not! It is a bad example.

As Christians, it’s an abomination. Justifying watching porn as a married couple is like learning how to please God from Satan. Your marriage is holy; why involve unholy things? I appreciate the liberty married couples have in marriage, but it’s still subject to holiness. Humans don’t need porn for a fulfilling sexual life in marriage. The primal instinct aided by communication during intimacy is enough for pleasure your partner. Porn is unattainable—60 minutes nonstop thrusting; the perfect bodies and 10 inches penises are unreal.

Why should Christian couples be comfortable ‘learning’ sex from two strangers committing fornication on camera? Why?

*DON'T JUST TALK IN PASSING.*

 

One of the mistakes we make as parents is that we talk in passing. That's why we just talk randomly about things. We don't really communicate.

 

Communication is a form of fellowship and communion. It's a deliberate art. Something we do intentionally. It's beyond words or mere instructions. It is about getting to know each other at a deeper level.

 

It is about bonds. It is about intimacy.You don't just talk or throw words around; we share our lives together. It's not about being superior; it's about getting into one another's world. This is something we have to learn. If we had learned and enjoyed this kind of communication in our childhood, I can bet a lot of our marriages today would have been better off.

 

To enjoy this level of conversation, you have to be deliberate and proactive about everything you want to talk about. Being proactive gives you the opportunity to think things through and address a lot of issues before the need arises, thereby empowering your children ahead of time.

 

There is the what, the how, and the when of communication. It is not enough to know what to say; you must know how to say it. How it's said is as important as what is said. Then there is the when.

 

The challenge is that we just talk because we think there is a need to talk on the impulse of the moment, and that is the reason we don't get results a lot of the time. We don't plan or time our conversation.

 

To make good progress with our children, our conversation must be planned. Make it a regular habit to set aside time to communicate with your children about issues pertaining to them and see your relationship blossom.

 

Remember, *he who fails to plan has planned to fail*. May you not fail your children.

 

 CHILDREN AS GIFTS

When given a gift, it is at the discretion of the receiver to put it to use as he or she deems fit. It might suit the receiver to trample on it, pass it on to another person, throw it in the trash can or better still make good use of it. Whichever way, the giver has no more power over it.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3 (NLT) 

Anyone who receives children is free to handle them whichever way he/she deems fit. The reward or consequences of our methods of parenting however comes to us first. After all, disciplining a child, has its own reward but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child, (Proverbs 29:15)

The reward is not only to the mothers! Today's reality has opened our eyes to know that an undisciplined child is also a disgrace to the father, especially because the child bears his name. Arowolo A.Y has rightly asserted that any father living who would not take part in parenting is as good as dead.

On another end, parenting is a concept that young adults should uphold even as singles and probably searching; when they have not met their partners. How? We are to be on the lookout for the nurturing of young ones in our sphere of influence and join hands with all parents to bring out the best behaviours in them. We are not to take our eyes off the misbehaviour of a child in the public without correcting him/her because a child might never know his or her behavior is wrong until someone tells him/her. With this, we are making the streets safe for ourselves, society and progeny.

PRAYER: Dear heavenly father, give me a heart that seeks to nurture every child I come across. 

*PARENTING CANNOT BE DELEGATED*

 

To delegate is to assign part of your responsibility to someone else to do.

 

There are various reasons people delegate or assign others to do something for them. Some parents delegate others to parent their children; others are so busy with their businesses that they have no time to attend to their children. They would rather pay others to do the job.

 

In those days, we had a large family unit, and that enhanced community parenting. Then there was an unspoken communal code of conduct, common values that we all live by but not anymore.

 

Parents these days leave their children at the mercy of maids, neighbors, schools, and even religious organizations.

 

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. It's ok to rejuvenate and ask for help where needed, but not to abdicate your responsibility for another.

 

You are in the best position to teach your children the values you want them to imbibe. If you leave your children at the mercy of a maid, neighbors, school, religious organization, friends, extended family, and society at large, you will be surprised at what will become of them. 

 

Some parents try to replace themselves in the lives of their children with material things; they give them all that money could buy in place of their person. 

 

The worst culprit in our day is technology. Children are left at the mercy of the invisible manager of the digital world, who shares no interest with you at all.

 

You cannot compare the job of a hireling to that of the shop owner. The hirelings don't want to lose the goodies they get from you. So in your presence, they are up and doing, but once you're out of sight, it's no man's business.

 

*Wake up to your responsibilities*

 

I am pastor E O Gabriel 

Good morning.

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